Help.
Poppa, I cannot breathe.
I keep trying to be brave.
Even when all of the odds are against me.
I need your help.
Desperately,
My heart is heavy.
Please Poppa.
I’m tired, my skin hurts from all of the wounds.
Help.
Help, Breathe, I …
Category: Ugly Tears
Certainly New Beginnings
Uncertainly certain, can that be possible?
Raw emotions without regulation.
Help Poppa.
Being in a vulnerable place,
Where it feels like chaos reigns,
On the inside and outside.
I have hope Poppa, that we can do this,
Together.
Body being turned inside out.
Facing the compartments of feels.
There is life on the other side.
New beginnings are ahead.
With you by my side,
Your majestic light covers me like a cocoon,
Poppa I love you and need you,
To breathe, To be free, To fulfill my calling.
It is you who is perfect peace,
And it is only in you that I can find hope.
Thank you so much for circling me with supportive butterflies,
I am grateful and I am seeking you!
Broken to see You
Peace.
Breathe.
Open my eyes to see you.
Today was a hard day, Jesus.
Really hard.
I started the morning at your feet,
I asked the Holy Spirit to move,
I was playful and excited about the day,
I loved the beautiful sunrise,
It was so colorful,
Like a painting that I can only aspire to ever create,
God, sometimes I need things to slow down,
Just a little bit.
Today, I arrived safely to work,
I walked in with a big smile and I love saying good morning and let’s do this!
Then, the dark clouds come.
I keep praying,
I panic,
My friend prayed with urgency for me,
And as I pondered big questions,
The warfare only got bigger and bigger,
I wanted everything to stop,
The warfare was swallowing me,
Then I broke,
I started crying,
Ugly Tears,
My heart,
Hurt,
I couldn’t stop crying,
Even in the storm, I could see you,
But all I could do was cry.
I used to be able to be a fortress, no tears, tough, nothing got to me,
Then life happened, ugly things happened,
I broke,
I found you,
Learning to start from the beginning,
To learn how to cope and feel safe,
My hope is only in You.
I’m struggling Jesus.
I am who you say I am,
Not what the world says in their anger,
I pray to find rest and peace with you as I continue to find true freedom.
Breathe
Just Breathe
I desire to grow in you and be who you created me to be.
Broken to freedom,
Amen.
Heart Believe
When the tears fall and they won’t stop,
I often wonder if my Father in Heaven sees me?
Some days are harder than others.
When you want things to be amazing and carefree…but they are not.
Sometimes it feels easier to just sit alone in the corner,
Because my voice cannot be heard by others.
Here is the kicker…
Gratitude is so important.
And He is Here.
He is teaching me to rely on Him more.
He quiets the storm inside and He collects my tears.
He loves all of us so much.
Deep breath.
Jesus, I need you so much.
I desire healing…
Please wash over me.
I press into you with all that I am.
I seek you.
– KI
Internal Scream
I don’t know if it is just me,
But I struggle with this tug-of-war,
Heels dug in the ground,
Jaw clenched and sweat on the brow.
Pull, as if to run away, but also to say No!
How do you learn to vocalize the scream?
Where is it safe to do so?
Will other people think I’m weird?
What will it sound like?
A Barbaric Yarp or a mix of shrieking with gasping?
I just struggle with the swirling of the good and the bad, the light and the dark, the joy and the pain.
I keep trying to learn the balance between talking and not talking. Sometimes it feels as if it is easier to say nothing at all.
Here I am.
Waving my hands.
Like an S.O.S.
Visions of breakthrough….
Anything can happen…
Jesus, is it safer to be alone?
To not be a burden to anyone?
To stroll solo without any ties to anyone?
To not share for the fear of abandonment?
Maybe easier?
To be a turtle, to lock up the hurt inside and throw the key away.
To realize that I’m not really here.
It is all temporary.
My home is not here.
It is in Heaven.
Every time I try to dig deep and be me to those close relationships…
I always watch them walk away and I learn that yet again I’m not supposed to say anything.
I’m supposed to care, to love, to be there always listening.
Deep breath, I can’t breathe!
The tears,
I dislike those so much!
I wish I had a magic wand to take away all of the hurt and pain that you and I feel.
Shattered life, Shattered me…
Only He can put the pieces back together.
Please remember that everyone is facing a battle and conversations are so very important.
Postcards sure,
Email sure,
Text sure,
But the really deep connecting stuff,
That is what God desires for us to find only with those He has appointed there in that place.
He is the healer and loving Father.
To trust Him.
To stop talking.
To love Him.
To bow my head.
Peace Be Still.
Krysten.Ivey 