Desolation

What is love?

Unconditional love?

Jesus, I reach to you

I feel alone,

I feel angry,

I feel deeply hurt.

Those places where the crows fly,

The dust swirls,

The sun blocked by the polluted atmosphere,

I am thirsty, I am hungry, I struggle to breathe,

My hope is in you,

Please help me to get this pain out,

To release it all to you,

To trust you.

Dear Pappa, I need you close.

Rage to Hope

The struggle,

The deep ache,

For hope,

For love,

For Him to keep you covered,

Keep focused baby girl,

Deep breath,

Jesus, help.

I need help.

I need the broken pieces to come back together,

To feel something better than the rage,

To be free and clean,

Will you sit with me?

Even in my mess?

Even with my anger?

I cannot do this alone.

Will you walk with me?

Can you hold my hand and wash my face?

Come in my secret place and love me?

Even if it’s dark,

Please help me to see more of you.

I want to know you more,

I long for that embrace of safety and trust.

I’m seeking you the best I know how to.

Please continue to teach me.

Please do not give up on me.

I see you watering the flowers,

I want to be there too.

It’s my hope and I’m learning.

Rage go away.

Peace Be Still

Spirit Lead

From the dark places,

The places that really hurt,

Stop staring at me,

I just want to hide,

But He has called me,

To step out of the darkness,

Into the light.

My skin hurts,

Do I still have a heart?

To numb, I try, but it doesn’t work.

The truth is that,

He loves me,

He loves me,

He loves me,

He loves me.

Even when I feel like He is so far away,

I try to push Him away,

He never stops working.

He knows me,

Even when I don’t know myself.

He’ll always be by my side.

Thank you.

Thank you even when I don’t get it.

I lay my head on your chest.

Please cover me.

You find me, right here, right now.

Peace Be Still.

Intimacy

Finding the right words to say…

Often they sit softly on your lips…

Are they the right words?

Will they ever be?

The truth.

I am a Child of the King,

A princess.

He desires for an intimate relationship.

A relationship where there is freedom from insecurity and inadequacy because He makes you whole in Him.

Fighting for that spiritual intimacy that only He can bring…

Why am I fighting?

He is already here,

He is waiting and always ready to listen,

He cares about me,

Ever so deeply.

Keep seeking Him,

You can do it, He is right by your side.

Hand in hand,

We can run, skip, jump and walk with Him.

He’s even there in the silence.

He is there in the struggle,

Focus.

Be Brave and Trust Him,

He freaking loves you so much.

Broken to see You

Peace.

Breathe.

Open my eyes to see you.

Today was a hard day, Jesus.

Really hard.

I started the morning at your feet,

I asked the Holy Spirit to move,

I was playful and excited about the day,

I loved the beautiful sunrise,

It was so colorful,

Like a painting that I can only aspire to ever create,

God, sometimes I need things to slow down,

Just a little bit.

Today, I arrived safely to work,

I walked in with a big smile and I love saying good morning and let’s do this!

Then, the dark clouds come.

I keep praying,

I panic,

My friend prayed with urgency for me,

And as I pondered big questions,

The warfare only got bigger and bigger,

I wanted everything to stop,

The warfare was swallowing me,

Then I broke,

I started crying,

Ugly Tears,

My heart,

Hurt,

I couldn’t stop crying,

Even in the storm, I could see you,

But all I could do was cry.

I used to be able to be a fortress, no tears, tough, nothing got to me,

Then life happened, ugly things happened,

I broke,

I found you,

Learning to start from the beginning,

To learn how to cope and feel safe,

My hope is only in You.

I’m struggling Jesus.

I am who you say I am,

Not what the world says in their anger,

I pray to find rest and peace with you as I continue to find true freedom.

Breathe

Just Breathe

I desire to grow in you and be who you created me to be.

Broken to freedom,

Amen.