Fire in the hole

That loud sound,

It vibrates throughout your body,

Shaking uncontrollably,

Is He here?

The plateau of tomorrow,

Daisies and butterflies,

If only, to smile,

To climb,

To strip the talons off,

Because I’m getting out of this hell,

One breath, Each step with Him,

Damn it. Keep going. Don’t stop.

I can’t breathe…

There’s fire in the hole.

Worn Refreshed

Tink, tink, think, tink…

Scratch, scratch, scratch…

Burrowing, wet, cold, dank dark…

Whisps of air skips across my face…

Vulnerability.

Allowing Poppa in this place,

To be with me.

The journey through inpatient care,

To find that He doesn’t run away,

Rather He is the light in the darkness.

The only way to get out of this space…

The dirty dungeon and the grim,

Is to walk, to grow in that space to step into the light and walk with Him.

He is so proud of me and you,

To be brave, to trust Him, to say Poppa,

I love you very much.

I am not alone after this retreat.

You are here with me,

To continue the adventure ahead.

To be vulnerable as stated before.

This is a place of recovery and healing.

Don’t be afraid little girl…

Talitha koum!

Covered with His feathers is where I remain.

Much love to you as well.

Breathe.

There’s a Girl I know…

She is witty

A bright soul

Someone who loves no matter what

Who drops everything to pray for anyone on their behalf or in person

Loves Jesus

More than you know

She is so hard on herself

Seeks to make a difference and share her testimony

Big eyes, Big heart, Big Hopes…

A fighter

A warrior

A princess

She strives to be made whole in God.

She doubts who she truly is in the eyes of her Father.

She screams instead of surrendering to love.

She fears being hurt…

Because that is what she is used to.

But she does love the good shepherd.

Hugs can be warm and comforting.

She desires to be seen, known, heard and loved.

The journey continues on…

New beginnings, New changes…

To be aware of His Presence.

He knows her, He sees her, He loves her.

Waymaker

Sometimes I do wonder if I am…

Making the right choices

Dotting the I and crossing the T

Steping forward or backward

Swimming or treading or drowning

Aware or delusional

Happy or Sad

Strong or weak

Breathing or holding my breath

That uneasy feeling in my stomach scares me and I tend to doubt

I want to trust Him more,

Rest in His arms more,

Stop running and hiding from Him,

Inhale: One…Two…Three…Four…

Hold: One…Two…Three…Four…

Exhale: One…Two…Three…Four…Five…Six…Seven…Eight…

You’ve got this!

He’s got you!

He is worthy!

He is the way maker…and promise keeper.

Peeking around I see,

His gentle face and outstretched hand,

The sun, the water, the breeze,

Let’s go dance in the flowers!

He says…

We will get there,

Trust me, my beautiful child.

Trying my best Pappa.

Eyes, ears and heart… open up please.

Press Into Him

Hello Yeshua.

It’s me.

Again.

I desire more of you.

Please teach me how to press more into you.

I desire to be made whole.

I feel like there are so many pieces of me…

Missing.

As I seek you,

Earnestly,

You are here.

You will not leave me,

Because you dearly love me.

I struggle within,

Spiritual warfare?

I pray that I surrender more of myself,

To You.

And I pray that the places where I find joy,

Grow.

Being close to you,

Loving you,

My heart is syncing up to yours.

To Love others,

To Love the healing process,

To be used to help others to know you more.

I love you.

And you love me too.

Please help me to hear, see and follow your lead.

Keep holding my hand,

I’m holding yours.

Amen.

-KI