It Doesn’t Matter… but it Does.

Current deep pain mixed with prior pain from the past can just hit you hard when you are a baby Christian.

Learning can be disrupted when there are clear misunderstandings…especially when you know you’ve been called by God to be part of something that is way bigger than yourself, but the other part of the called does not see it.

Spiritual moms and dads…They are part of a higher calling by God. Whether or not they respond to the call by God to help guide and be alongside those who need to learn…can impact the spiritual family foundation.

Worship, Prayer, Praise… that is the only answer. Leaving the call by God unanswered hurts deeply.

Continue to speak truth, allow the Lord to mend those hurt places and allow humility and grace.

Pray for those who also fight in the trenches with you and pray for the battles that occur everywhere.

May those who are also broken find that they can be made whole in Him.

The Mighty Warrior

You can’t see it, but you can feel it…

If you close your eyes, you can sense it…

His feathers on your face, soft, gentle, with affection…

He loves you more than you know. It is a love that surpasses all understanding.

How can He love so unconditionally? Because He is who He says His is…

He is the Mighty Warrior, the Prince of Peace, the True Vine, the Good Shepherd and the Light of the World.

He first loved us… He knit us together… He chose to die on the cross to give us direct access to the Father.

I want to go deeper and further with Jesus…

The racing heart, the cluttered mind, the deep deep hurt that cannot be undone…

Or so it seems…

You walk outside, the wind whips around you, in the storm, He is there.

He is there…He stiffens His arms to shield you and love you through it all.

He exclaims, Child put on my Father’s armor!

Even if it means that I must work through the pain to find freedom in Him.

I will move forward.

Breathe…

Inhale…Exhale….

Inhale…Exhale…

Inhale…Exhale…

His love is all that matters.

His embrace, His guidance, His Call.

I am His child.

Hold on tight, you must go on.

He is the Mighty Warrior, He’s got you.

-KI

Conversations with Jesus: Through the Flames

When you are running, you know you are running… It can be from a good or bad place, but you know you are running.

Stride after Stride, which way do you turn?  Left, Right, can’t go backward, but always move forward… Breathe.

The cycle can continue, constantly feeling like you are drowning and not quite living  and your pants can be caught by the flames.

It is important to recognize from what and why you are running and where you are going… always look ahead.

Are you truly thriving and being who you are called to be?

The key questions remain: Whose am I and Who am I?

Arriving in a place where there is nowhere to go, but to look up and reach out…

He says…ever so gently…as any gentleman would be.

I see you, my dear, I see you… I see you.  I am here.

He reaches for me through the flames…

Baby girl, grab my hand.

He died for me, for you, for us.  It is through Love that He chose to die so that we could be with Him in eternity.

When you feel all is lost, don’t give in to the thoughts of despair, but look to Him who gives you Hope, Strength, Courage… a renewed spirit, a new heart, a call to follow Him.

Acknowledge, Believe and Confess…

But even more…to Trust and Surrender.

He is going to pick up the pieces and mend those broken places.

It is in the deep, in those deep places that He is there and He will never leave you.

So climb out of the dungeon, crawl away from the dark corner where you thought that protecting yourself from everyone and everything was for your good.

You were dying in that place.

Step out in Faith, grab His hand and don’t look back.

I am His and He is mine. 

He is my Father and I am His child. 

He is the King and I am a Princess. 

He is the Mighty Warrior and I am a Princess Warrior…

Pick up that sword, Girl, we’ve got work to do.

flame_princess_running_away_by_pin100-d823uyu

 

Search My Heart

I don’t know about you, but I find myself wanting God more and more each day.

This week is Holy week, it is in remembrance of the crucifixion of Jesus and then His resurrection on the third day.  Jesus chose to put himself on the cross for the Love that He has for us.  I am so amazed and in awe of Jesus.  I didn’t realize that He chose to be put on the cross until this past weekend of church service.  I thought like most people do, people put Him on the cross…but they did not.  Jesus followed through with His mission and He thought of us each step of the way!

This takes my breath away.  

As a new Christian, I have been seeking more of Him.  But I think I was missing the whole point.  I was seeking Love the wrong way.  I wasn’t recognizing who Jesus is and who I am in Him.  I kept floundering and the roller coaster has been up, down and sideways.  Seeking Him is allowing the Holy Spirit to work in you.  I think maybe being baptized has a part in this equation as well.  I have not been baptized yet, but maybe it is because I did not truly understand who Jesus is and what He did for me and for everyone?  I do believe in Him and I now understand that He died for me, for all of my past and present sins and I can only find true freedom in Him.

Here I am, God I present myself to you

I am your daughter, I am a princess to a King, I am made new in you.

Speaking Life is so important.  I now realize just how words impact thoughts, feelings and emotions.  Words can distort the truth and hinder my walk in Christ.  I want to grow and become who He has called me to be… I want to walk with Him and talk with Him.

God is at work, He is tearing down the walls, He is the Light in the Dark.  He is the Good Shepherd, the Prince of Peace, the Almighty God.  Who am I to say that He is not big enough to handle my struggles and my pain?  Only He can heal the brokenness, period.

Wake my will up to God, I want to follow you.  I want you.

My heart says, this is Real, Jesus is Real.

34 “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” – John 13: 34-35 CSB

I want more of you Jesus.  I am only complete in You.  I am seeking freedom.

My new Motto:  It’s Kingdom or Nothing!

woman wearing red dress while sitting on grass
Photo by bruce mars on Pexels.com

To The Petals in The Wind

Summer.  Warm night.  Dinner and a Movie night.  Fun night.  Friend night.  Date night.

Wicked night.  Painful night.  Broken night.  Shattered night.  Dark night.  Winter forever.

The Past, God is healing the wounds.

Words are just words are just words…are just words.  NO, is a freaking two letter word.

Not, Loud enough?  Does it mean anything?

Does God hear me when I am hurting and healing?

Eyes Open, Eyes Close… Eyelashes flutter… Keep Them Shut!

Inhale, Exhale, Deep Breath…I can’t Breathe!

Did God intend for this to happen?

Is my Heart beating?  Am I alive or am I dead?

Life can only be found in Jesus, Right?

This cannot be happening.  This cannot be happening.  This cannot be happening.  This cannot be happening.  Is this really happening?  Really Happening???

I lost myself, I want to Trust you, Jesus.

No, it can’t be.

This cannot happen to me.

Jesus, do you really care about me that much?  To find me?

That face, stone cold face, full of anger face, rage face, everything wrong in that face!

I don’t understand.  Hurt people, Hurt people?

I am no longer here, I am hiding in the depths, A place I cannot escape, In the dungeon.  Little did I know that I would begin to feel safer in the dark, protecting what was left of me…but there was nothing worth protecting, nothing beautiful, nothing pure, nothing.

Do you restore everything?  I want to run with you in the beautiful flowers.

EMPTY

Learning to be Spirit-filled.

NUMB

It hurts to heal, but there is Freedom I am told on the other side.

 

To the petals in the wind… I am seeking Him & will only find true Freedom in Him.

woman throwing pink petals
Photo by Đàm Tướng Quân on Pexels.com