Desolation

What is love?

Unconditional love?

Jesus, I reach to you

I feel alone,

I feel angry,

I feel deeply hurt.

Those places where the crows fly,

The dust swirls,

The sun blocked by the polluted atmosphere,

I am thirsty, I am hungry, I struggle to breathe,

My hope is in you,

Please help me to get this pain out,

To release it all to you,

To trust you.

Dear Pappa, I need you close.

The beckoning

Even in the turmoil,

Of the dark desolate place,

There is hope,

A light so bright,

That it beckons,

As if to extend warmth,

A hand,

A smile,

Silly me I must have forgotten my manners,

My furrowed brow says No,

My soul says yes,

My heart is healing slowly.

The truth,

Hope is rising,

More everyday,

To come alongside, Thank you,

My feet are worn and bloody,

My eyes are aching,

But there is hope,

He died for me,

He chose me,

He adopted me,

He is lifting my heart and my head.

He brings restoration,

He brings redemption,

But I struggle,

And He knows,

I squirm and throw a fit,

Because healing hurts,

And I’d rather not feel,

But feeling can only lead to understanding,

His compassion,

His love,

His Grace.

So, I lean into Him,

A little more each day.

May the lies stop hindering my steps.

Will you comfort me as I heal?

I would like that Jesus.

Rage to Hope

The struggle,

The deep ache,

For hope,

For love,

For Him to keep you covered,

Keep focused baby girl,

Deep breath,

Jesus, help.

I need help.

I need the broken pieces to come back together,

To feel something better than the rage,

To be free and clean,

Will you sit with me?

Even in my mess?

Even with my anger?

I cannot do this alone.

Will you walk with me?

Can you hold my hand and wash my face?

Come in my secret place and love me?

Even if it’s dark,

Please help me to see more of you.

I want to know you more,

I long for that embrace of safety and trust.

I’m seeking you the best I know how to.

Please continue to teach me.

Please do not give up on me.

I see you watering the flowers,

I want to be there too.

It’s my hope and I’m learning.

Rage go away.

Peace Be Still

Keep Going

Swaying,

Exhausted,

My emotions toss about inside,

I was frozen,

I thought, I thought I saw him,

I didn’t know what to do,

Tears with embarrassment,

Shame,

Just breathe, Just breathe,

The moment of fear overwhelmed me,

My heart,

Dear Jesus,

Cover me in your wings,

I seek refuge and tenderness,

Your hands,

Your love,

Your eyes,

My hope,

Is in you.

Leaning into you more every day.

Just Breathe.

My eyes on you.

Amen.

Broken to see You

Peace.

Breathe.

Open my eyes to see you.

Today was a hard day, Jesus.

Really hard.

I started the morning at your feet,

I asked the Holy Spirit to move,

I was playful and excited about the day,

I loved the beautiful sunrise,

It was so colorful,

Like a painting that I can only aspire to ever create,

God, sometimes I need things to slow down,

Just a little bit.

Today, I arrived safely to work,

I walked in with a big smile and I love saying good morning and let’s do this!

Then, the dark clouds come.

I keep praying,

I panic,

My friend prayed with urgency for me,

And as I pondered big questions,

The warfare only got bigger and bigger,

I wanted everything to stop,

The warfare was swallowing me,

Then I broke,

I started crying,

Ugly Tears,

My heart,

Hurt,

I couldn’t stop crying,

Even in the storm, I could see you,

But all I could do was cry.

I used to be able to be a fortress, no tears, tough, nothing got to me,

Then life happened, ugly things happened,

I broke,

I found you,

Learning to start from the beginning,

To learn how to cope and feel safe,

My hope is only in You.

I’m struggling Jesus.

I am who you say I am,

Not what the world says in their anger,

I pray to find rest and peace with you as I continue to find true freedom.

Breathe

Just Breathe

I desire to grow in you and be who you created me to be.

Broken to freedom,

Amen.