The Tears Fall

You keep giving until there is nothing left,

You fight your demons until you drag,

You tell yourself you are okay every day,

Deep inside the box, the broken things spill,

Deep inside your childlike faith is choking,

Deep inside your emotions collide,

He is There!

He is meeting you in the storm!

He is not afraid of the messiness inside!

You feel alone,

You feel exhausted,

You feel like giving up,

The Tears Fall…

Wet on my cheeks,

Down my face to my shirt,

No! My hands fly to my face.

Stop the ugly tears, just stop, stop!

My heart quickens,

My breathing… panting,

My eyes burn with pain and anger.

I rock back and forth,

I start wondering if He is really there,

I am determined to seek Him.

In the darkest corners of what’s left of my heart, I want Him, I need Him more. Surrendering the deepest hurts and trusting Him is so important in building faith. My heavenly Father who is a Mighty Warrior…who Loves me…who died for me.

Speak Life

I am fearfully and wonderfully made,

I am the daughter of the Mighty King,

I am loved, accepted and chosen.

I am His.

To my knees, I pray.

To my Father, I speak softly with reverence.

To my feelings, I say…Not today Satan!

The Tears Fall.

Jesus, I need you.

Jesus, please hold me.

Jesus, I cannot face this alone.

Jesus, please help me to cling to you.

…..Now Breathe….

His hand is extended….

He’s waiting for you.

He’s got you baby girl.

He’s got you in His arms.

Be Still.

To The Petals in The Wind

Summer.  Warm night.  Dinner and a Movie night.  Fun night.  Friend night.  Date night.

Wicked night.  Painful night.  Broken night.  Shattered night.  Dark night.  Winter forever.

The Past, God is healing the wounds.

Words are just words are just words…are just words.  NO, is a freaking two letter word.

Not, Loud enough?  Does it mean anything?

Does God hear me when I am hurting and healing?

Eyes Open, Eyes Close… Eyelashes flutter… Keep Them Shut!

Inhale, Exhale, Deep Breath…I can’t Breathe!

Did God intend for this to happen?

Is my Heart beating?  Am I alive or am I dead?

Life can only be found in Jesus, Right?

This cannot be happening.  This cannot be happening.  This cannot be happening.  This cannot be happening.  Is this really happening?  Really Happening???

I lost myself, I want to Trust you, Jesus.

No, it can’t be.

This cannot happen to me.

Jesus, do you really care about me that much?  To find me?

That face, stone cold face, full of anger face, rage face, everything wrong in that face!

I don’t understand.  Hurt people, Hurt people?

I am no longer here, I am hiding in the depths, A place I cannot escape, In the dungeon.  Little did I know that I would begin to feel safer in the dark, protecting what was left of me…but there was nothing worth protecting, nothing beautiful, nothing pure, nothing.

Do you restore everything?  I want to run with you in the beautiful flowers.

EMPTY

Learning to be Spirit-filled.

NUMB

It hurts to heal, but there is Freedom I am told on the other side.

 

To the petals in the wind… I am seeking Him & will only find true Freedom in Him.

woman throwing pink petals
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In Brokenness, Walk it out with Him

As I learn to Listen to God, I am reminded that He ultimately desires that I simply obey.

Obedience always seems like a place where I just want to run away or rebel against it. To just have what I want without working through the hard, damnable, life-draining muck. Who really wants to work through the stuff that hurts so much that no one knows the pain, but Him?

He knows.

He cares.

He loves unconditionally.

Jesus…

Do you see me? Can I trust you?

There is this abysmal place inside that I protect…the last pieces of my heart…what is left of it anyway.  I don’t even think it is a heart most days.  A vast place where pieces drift here and there.

Deep Breath

Years ago… it was shattered into a million pieces. Those pieces of pieces of pieces are missing to me. Lost, stolen, taken, hijacked without consent.

Dare I say that I believe that Jesus can rebuild my heart and make it new

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

Psalms 147:3 CSB

To ObeyDear Jesus… I’m trying to trust and let go!

I must not just hear, but obey.  He fights for me!

To surrender everything and lay all of it at your feet!

For me, the hardest pieces are accepting everything that has happened, acknowledging that I cannot fix all of it on my own, trusting that you are big enough and strong enough to hold onto me as the serious heart surgery must be done.

Stop Running Away!

He extends His arms…

He is patiently waiting for me to run to Him and obey.

Peace can only come after obedience.

Our Lord is great, vast in power; His understanding is infinite.

Psalms 147:5 CSB

Praying…

I seek you. I want you.

Please help me to feel safe.

afterglow avian backlit birds
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War Face

War Face

When you get up in the morning, do you put on your game face or your war face?

I find myself getting up each day to fight the battles inside myself and the outside world…

I choose my War Face.

What does it look like?

Strong, Fierce, Brave, Courageous, Bold, Unwavering…

A Face of many emotions and many colors all blending together to be a Warrior Song!

Eyes!  Yes, the window to the soul.  They tell the story of the journey that the warrior has been on and continues to face each and every day…every moment in time.

Tears that have come and gone…and those that remain…each one tells a story.

Furrowed brow and the deep colors of the warrior’s war paint.

Spiritual Warfare is Real, it is a never-ending battle, always flowing, with many turns, peaks and valleys.

The real question is… do you battle alone or do you go to war with purpose, hope and strength that can only come from the source of all life?

I seek Him.

close up photo of woman with paint on face
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