Learning to Breathe

In the beginning, even if you don’t really know where that starts…

You feel as if the whole world is on top of you and all sights and sounds bombard your senses.

You can’t breathe.

You shut your eyes tightly, Pull your knees to your chest and Cover your ears.

Stop, just stop.

Can anyone see me?

Inviting someone… anyone into this space is to be used with caution. You do not want to be hurt anymore.

The desire is to flourish to be accepted for who you are, to be loved unconditionally and to make the biggest splash that you can…and to love others, to point them to…

Jesus

We desire a higher calling, a higher purpose, a place to belong and a place to call home.

Home… that is not here, but there are pieces here and there. People who embody and bear much fruit.

Even in those darkest moments, those places where you can’t breathe, He is there.

Learning to listen, to grow, to continually seek Him. It is the key to shutting out the lies and for finding victory.

Stop listening to the lies!

I am a sheep and He is the Good Shepherd.

He is your and my Pappa.

He longs for us to abandon all ties to this world and to follow Him.

To empty ourselves, so that He can come in and restore those broken places. To turn the jaggedness to a beautiful masterpiece.

When you feel trapped, alone, in the corner, in that dark place…He is there.

Breathe. Inhale…1…2…3…4…hold…1…2…Exhale…3…4…5…6…7…8.

Is it easy? No, but it is not meant to be easy. Our heavenly home is not here on this earth. We are citizens of Heaven.

Put on that armor of the Lord…

And remember He is with you…

Every single step of the journey.

Breathe.

The Pursuit

Shivering,

Shaking,

I’m tired of running,

From You.

Why do I Run?

Empty

….But God, there is Hope

Confused

….But God, there is Understanding

Anger

….But God, there is Freedom

Staring into the darkness,

He beckons in the bright light,

Where did the flowers go?

Why does the warmth from the sun fade?

It is He who is strong enough to help,

To listen, comfort, strengthen, love…

To love you…

Even if you decide to run,

To let go, to jump, to lose yourself.

It is here…

At the end of myself,

I find you.

When I cannot breathe,

I find you.

The fighting and deep whimpers,

Learning to grasp the next line by speaking life!

I am not alone, for you are with me.

Pappa, Jesus…

Might I just say,

I’m still seeking You.

The Tears Fall

You keep giving until there is nothing left,

You fight your demons until you drag,

You tell yourself you are okay every day,

Deep inside the box, the broken things spill,

Deep inside your childlike faith is choking,

Deep inside your emotions collide,

He is There!

He is meeting you in the storm!

He is not afraid of the messiness inside!

You feel alone,

You feel exhausted,

You feel like giving up,

The Tears Fall…

Wet on my cheeks,

Down my face to my shirt,

No! My hands fly to my face.

Stop the ugly tears, just stop, stop!

My heart quickens,

My breathing… panting,

My eyes burn with pain and anger.

I rock back and forth,

I start wondering if He is really there,

I am determined to seek Him.

In the darkest corners of what’s left of my heart, I want Him, I need Him more. Surrendering the deepest hurts and trusting Him is so important in building faith. My heavenly Father who is a Mighty Warrior…who Loves me…who died for me.

Speak Life

I am fearfully and wonderfully made,

I am the daughter of the Mighty King,

I am loved, accepted and chosen.

I am His.

To my knees, I pray.

To my Father, I speak softly with reverence.

To my feelings, I say…Not today Satan!

The Tears Fall.

Jesus, I need you.

Jesus, please hold me.

Jesus, I cannot face this alone.

Jesus, please help me to cling to you.

…..Now Breathe….

His hand is extended….

He’s waiting for you.

He’s got you baby girl.

He’s got you in His arms.

Be Still.

Even if… Chaos Erupts… Be Still and Know.

Learning to let love grow inside of me.

Deep breath. Close my eyes, I pray to forgive…

Even if it feels like I am alone…

Even if my world feels like it is falling apart…shaken to my core.

Even if every single step hurts…

Even if I think I can’t breathe…

Even if no one knows…

Even if I feel like I don’t know which way to go or the whys behind the pain.

STOP! Guard my heart because Chaos Erupts if I don’t seek refuge in Him.

Every step forward seems like two steps backwards many days.

But, God… He is there in the deep.

He hears me when no one else is listening.

He is there, He will not leave, He loves me, He understands it all and in the Even Ifs… He is the way, the truth and the life.

I am learning to breath…

He is fighting for me and I need to rest in that love and strength.

Wind in my hair, sun in my face, eyes wide open…Take another step…He is there!

As it is written, “Stop your fighting (Be Still) and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth.”
Psalms 46:10 CSB

He is there, the mighty warrior and loving Father.

Find Joy and Dance in His presence!

Grab His hand and Run through the flowers.

He fights for me.