Search My Heart

I don’t know about you, but I find myself wanting God more and more each day.

This week is Holy week, it is in remembrance of the crucifixion of Jesus and then His resurrection on the third day.  Jesus chose to put himself on the cross for the Love that He has for us.  I am so amazed and in awe of Jesus.  I didn’t realize that He chose to be put on the cross until this past weekend of church service.  I thought like most people do, people put Him on the cross…but they did not.  Jesus followed through with His mission and He thought of us each step of the way!

This takes my breath away.  

As a new Christian, I have been seeking more of Him.  But I think I was missing the whole point.  I was seeking Love the wrong way.  I wasn’t recognizing who Jesus is and who I am in Him.  I kept floundering and the roller coaster has been up, down and sideways.  Seeking Him is allowing the Holy Spirit to work in you.  I think maybe being baptized has a part in this equation as well.  I have not been baptized yet, but maybe it is because I did not truly understand who Jesus is and what He did for me and for everyone?  I do believe in Him and I now understand that He died for me, for all of my past and present sins and I can only find true freedom in Him.

Here I am, God I present myself to you

I am your daughter, I am a princess to a King, I am made new in you.

Speaking Life is so important.  I now realize just how words impact thoughts, feelings and emotions.  Words can distort the truth and hinder my walk in Christ.  I want to grow and become who He has called me to be… I want to walk with Him and talk with Him.

God is at work, He is tearing down the walls, He is the Light in the Dark.  He is the Good Shepherd, the Prince of Peace, the Almighty God.  Who am I to say that He is not big enough to handle my struggles and my pain?  Only He can heal the brokenness, period.

Wake my will up to God, I want to follow you.  I want you.

My heart says, this is Real, Jesus is Real.

34 “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” – John 13: 34-35 CSB

I want more of you Jesus.  I am only complete in You.  I am seeking freedom.

My new Motto:  It’s Kingdom or Nothing!

woman wearing red dress while sitting on grass
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To The Petals in The Wind

Summer.  Warm night.  Dinner and a Movie night.  Fun night.  Friend night.  Date night.

Wicked night.  Painful night.  Broken night.  Shattered night.  Dark night.  Winter forever.

The Past, God is healing the wounds.

Words are just words are just words…are just words.  NO, is a freaking two letter word.

Not, Loud enough?  Does it mean anything?

Does God hear me when I am hurting and healing?

Eyes Open, Eyes Close… Eyelashes flutter… Keep Them Shut!

Inhale, Exhale, Deep Breath…I can’t Breathe!

Did God intend for this to happen?

Is my Heart beating?  Am I alive or am I dead?

Life can only be found in Jesus, Right?

This cannot be happening.  This cannot be happening.  This cannot be happening.  This cannot be happening.  Is this really happening?  Really Happening???

I lost myself, I want to Trust you, Jesus.

No, it can’t be.

This cannot happen to me.

Jesus, do you really care about me that much?  To find me?

That face, stone cold face, full of anger face, rage face, everything wrong in that face!

I don’t understand.  Hurt people, Hurt people?

I am no longer here, I am hiding in the depths, A place I cannot escape, In the dungeon.  Little did I know that I would begin to feel safer in the dark, protecting what was left of me…but there was nothing worth protecting, nothing beautiful, nothing pure, nothing.

Do you restore everything?  I want to run with you in the beautiful flowers.

EMPTY

Learning to be Spirit-filled.

NUMB

It hurts to heal, but there is Freedom I am told on the other side.

 

To the petals in the wind… I am seeking Him & will only find true Freedom in Him.

woman throwing pink petals
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Omnipresent, Omnipotent and Deeply Loved

He is the roaring Lion…

The Lion of Judah.

His presence is Everywhere.

To open my eyes, open my heart, open my hands, extend my arms and free fall into His arms.

You are King and I’m covered by your wings in the deep.

Whispers in the wind…

The rippling of the deep green grass…

The sun shines brightly even in the deep dark dungeon… just look.

Open my eyes!

Breathe in the fog, mist, drizzle, rain, sleet, snow, the storms….the blue skies and the oceans deep.

He is in everything.

The dewdrops on my face, the tears that escape, the sweat of my brow, my skin… He made it all and everything is stamped with His love.

I am broken, He puts the pieces together to make a beautiful masterpiece. Only He can make me whole.

I want to make His name known far and wide…everywhere He leads me.

My hand may be slippery… His is not. Keep grabbing, keep looking for He is stretching His hand out for me.

Little girl, who peeks around the corner…

Am I safe and Can I trust you?

He is the good good Father. He is patiently saying baby girl, let’s go play in the flowers…

Run, Roll, Pick, Play…with laughter and love.

Grab His Hand…

He will not let go, He will not abandon me.

He will not hurt me, He loves me.

He loves me deeply!

He crushes my fears and commands the dark to leave.

He covers my shame.

He offers freedom, if I just believe and step out in faith.

He is the answer to the longing to find peace.

He offers Himself for me.

Thy Will Be Done.

Learning to surrender.

War Face

War Face

When you get up in the morning, do you put on your game face or your war face?

I find myself getting up each day to fight the battles inside myself and the outside world…

I choose my War Face.

What does it look like?

Strong, Fierce, Brave, Courageous, Bold, Unwavering…

A Face of many emotions and many colors all blending together to be a Warrior Song!

Eyes!  Yes, the window to the soul.  They tell the story of the journey that the warrior has been on and continues to face each and every day…every moment in time.

Tears that have come and gone…and those that remain…each one tells a story.

Furrowed brow and the deep colors of the warrior’s war paint.

Spiritual Warfare is Real, it is a never-ending battle, always flowing, with many turns, peaks and valleys.

The real question is… do you battle alone or do you go to war with purpose, hope and strength that can only come from the source of all life?

I seek Him.

close up photo of woman with paint on face
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