Desolation

What is love?

Unconditional love?

Jesus, I reach to you

I feel alone,

I feel angry,

I feel deeply hurt.

Those places where the crows fly,

The dust swirls,

The sun blocked by the polluted atmosphere,

I am thirsty, I am hungry, I struggle to breathe,

My hope is in you,

Please help me to get this pain out,

To release it all to you,

To trust you.

Dear Pappa, I need you close.

The beckoning

Even in the turmoil,

Of the dark desolate place,

There is hope,

A light so bright,

That it beckons,

As if to extend warmth,

A hand,

A smile,

Silly me I must have forgotten my manners,

My furrowed brow says No,

My soul says yes,

My heart is healing slowly.

The truth,

Hope is rising,

More everyday,

To come alongside, Thank you,

My feet are worn and bloody,

My eyes are aching,

But there is hope,

He died for me,

He chose me,

He adopted me,

He is lifting my heart and my head.

He brings restoration,

He brings redemption,

But I struggle,

And He knows,

I squirm and throw a fit,

Because healing hurts,

And I’d rather not feel,

But feeling can only lead to understanding,

His compassion,

His love,

His Grace.

So, I lean into Him,

A little more each day.

May the lies stop hindering my steps.

Will you comfort me as I heal?

I would like that Jesus.

Spirit Lead

From the dark places,

The places that really hurt,

Stop staring at me,

I just want to hide,

But He has called me,

To step out of the darkness,

Into the light.

My skin hurts,

Do I still have a heart?

To numb, I try, but it doesn’t work.

The truth is that,

He loves me,

He loves me,

He loves me,

He loves me.

Even when I feel like He is so far away,

I try to push Him away,

He never stops working.

He knows me,

Even when I don’t know myself.

He’ll always be by my side.

Thank you.

Thank you even when I don’t get it.

I lay my head on your chest.

Please cover me.

You find me, right here, right now.

Peace Be Still.

River Break

A new day.

A new chance.

The journey of the twisted river.

The streams churning, the drops that splash off of the jagged rocks and cover my legs.

Bare feet sinking in the murky sand.

Do I dare to continue the journey?

When there is so much fury?

The hope beyond the horizon,

The Son is beckoning,

Hand outstretched and shielding the light,

This is going to be a fight!

The Warrior spirit stirs within,

Stand firm, eyes focused, clenched fists,

Stretch, Pull, Bend, Extend,

Release the taut posture,

Open…Close; Inhale…Exhale,

Just a little bit more,

Release the barbaric yarp,

The deep, sharp, gentle and soft guttural sounds,

Let it flow, Let it go!

I might break!

The river is flowing,

What do you choose?

To fight for eternal love,

River, Break.

Multifaceted Storm

The storm inside collides
Prickly Pear
The feelings are multifaceted
Shades of Gray

Feeling Raw
Exposed
I cannot hide behind the facade
The mask that I’m so accustomed to
I just can’t
Every inch of my body is screaming
Stinging
Yelling at me and at everything around me
The storm
It swirls around.

I cannot move.

Whoosh…thorns, claws…whoosh!
Swallowing me whole
I cannot breathe

The back of my neck is tense
My lungs do not want to cooperate
Come On Baby, Breathe

The tears that wait at bay
The deep searing ache in your chest
Every single sound hurts my ears and head
Stop Talking
Stop caring
Stop it!
Come On Baby, Breathe

The med train keeps rolling
Even though at times it doesn’t help
At All
Arms heavy with guilt, shame, fear…
Perspiration dots my forehead,
I feel alone even in a public space
I need to scream
I dont know how, it will not come out!

Stop, Stop, Stop
Do Not Love Me
I Do Not Deserve it
Come On Baby, Breathe.

It is hard when you feel like you just keep treading water without a shore to bring hope…

There is a hand reaching with such transparent power and might…
His grip clenches my wrist as I am sinking…
I cannot breathe.
I don’t want to breathe.
Come On Baby, Breathe…

Tears drench His face, the love in His forever eyes.
He loves me deeply.
He will never give up on me and He is there.
As He pulls and quickly envelops me in His wings…

The warmth
The quickened heartbeat
The concerned brow
The countenance of unconditional love
Freedom can only be found in Him.

Come On Baby, He’s Got you, Breathe.