Multifaceted Storm

The storm inside collides
Prickly Pear
The feelings are multifaceted
Shades of Gray

Feeling Raw
Exposed
I cannot hide behind the facade
The mask that I’m so accustomed to
I just can’t
Every inch of my body is screaming
Stinging
Yelling at me and at everything around me
The storm
It swirls around.

I cannot move.

Whoosh…thorns, claws…whoosh!
Swallowing me whole
I cannot breathe

The back of my neck is tense
My lungs do not want to cooperate
Come On Baby, Breathe

The tears that wait at bay
The deep searing ache in your chest
Every single sound hurts my ears and head
Stop Talking
Stop caring
Stop it!
Come On Baby, Breathe

The med train keeps rolling
Even though at times it doesn’t help
At All
Arms heavy with guilt, shame, fear…
Perspiration dots my forehead,
I feel alone even in a public space
I need to scream
I dont know how, it will not come out!

Stop, Stop, Stop
Do Not Love Me
I Do Not Deserve it
Come On Baby, Breathe.

It is hard when you feel like you just keep treading water without a shore to bring hope…

There is a hand reaching with such transparent power and might…
His grip clenches my wrist as I am sinking…
I cannot breathe.
I don’t want to breathe.
Come On Baby, Breathe…

Tears drench His face, the love in His forever eyes.
He loves me deeply.
He will never give up on me and He is there.
As He pulls and quickly envelops me in His wings…

The warmth
The quickened heartbeat
The concerned brow
The countenance of unconditional love
Freedom can only be found in Him.

Come On Baby, He’s Got you, Breathe.

Change

Change is looked at as positive or negative in most cases based on perception, need, desires, growth, a calling, emotions and feelings.

But if we take a step back…

Can we justify calling anything really negative in the grand scheme of things?

The ebb and flow of life…

It seems complicated by many and orderly to some…but very colorful to others.

Yet still there are shades of gray and days where the dark corners seem easier to find comfort and safety.

It is truly mind over matter?

Or just learning to step back and take a deep breath?

Change.

For growth and development?

For allowing the senses to take a break?

For establishing healthy lifestyle practices?

For finding yourself?

For combating emotional fatigue?

For saying enough is enough?

For discovery and inspiration?

For mental clarity?

…so many ways that change can impact life!

Take a deep, long breath… He knows.

Jeremiah 29:11 Christian Standard Bible (CSB)

11 For I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your well-being, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

KI

Inner Chaos

Tears

Tidal waves

Hope

The light that breaks the darkness

The sun that shines through the black array of clouds.

A flicker to a bright flame.

It burns.

Crumbs of love

Swirling, intense feelings

Needing oxygen

Fighting to swim

Breathe

Unbalanced, losing footing

Dig deep

The intense emotional rush

Slamming into you, into everything

That crashing sound

The stillness that plateaus

Help me Jesus to rest in your arms.

Even if… Chaos Erupts… Be Still and Know.

Learning to let love grow inside of me.

Deep breath. Close my eyes, I pray to forgive…

Even if it feels like I am alone…

Even if my world feels like it is falling apart…shaken to my core.

Even if every single step hurts…

Even if I think I can’t breathe…

Even if no one knows…

Even if I feel like I don’t know which way to go or the whys behind the pain.

STOP! Guard my heart because Chaos Erupts if I don’t seek refuge in Him.

Every step forward seems like two steps backwards many days.

But, God… He is there in the deep.

He hears me when no one else is listening.

He is there, He will not leave, He loves me, He understands it all and in the Even Ifs… He is the way, the truth and the life.

I am learning to breath…

He is fighting for me and I need to rest in that love and strength.

Wind in my hair, sun in my face, eyes wide open…Take another step…He is there!

As it is written, “Stop your fighting (Be Still) and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth.”
Psalms 46:10 CSB

He is there, the mighty warrior and loving Father.

Find Joy and Dance in His presence!

Grab His hand and Run through the flowers.

He fights for me.