River Break

A new day.

A new chance.

The journey of the twisted river.

The streams churning, the drops that splash off of the jagged rocks and cover my legs.

Bare feet sinking in the murky sand.

Do I dare to continue the journey?

When there is so much fury?

The hope beyond the horizon,

The Son is beckoning,

Hand outstretched and shielding the light,

This is going to be a fight!

The Warrior spirit stirs within,

Stand firm, eyes focused, clenched fists,

Stretch, Pull, Bend, Extend,

Release the taut posture,

Open…Close; Inhale…Exhale,

Just a little bit more,

Release the barbaric yarp,

The deep, sharp, gentle and soft guttural sounds,

Let it flow, Let it go!

I might break!

The river is flowing,

What do you choose?

To fight for eternal love,

River, Break.

Multifaceted Storm

The storm inside collides
Prickly Pear
The feelings are multifaceted
Shades of Gray

Feeling Raw
Exposed
I cannot hide behind the facade
The mask that I’m so accustomed to
I just can’t
Every inch of my body is screaming
Stinging
Yelling at me and at everything around me
The storm
It swirls around.

I cannot move.

Whoosh…thorns, claws…whoosh!
Swallowing me whole
I cannot breathe

The back of my neck is tense
My lungs do not want to cooperate
Come On Baby, Breathe

The tears that wait at bay
The deep searing ache in your chest
Every single sound hurts my ears and head
Stop Talking
Stop caring
Stop it!
Come On Baby, Breathe

The med train keeps rolling
Even though at times it doesn’t help
At All
Arms heavy with guilt, shame, fear…
Perspiration dots my forehead,
I feel alone even in a public space
I need to scream
I dont know how, it will not come out!

Stop, Stop, Stop
Do Not Love Me
I Do Not Deserve it
Come On Baby, Breathe.

It is hard when you feel like you just keep treading water without a shore to bring hope…

There is a hand reaching with such transparent power and might…
His grip clenches my wrist as I am sinking…
I cannot breathe.
I don’t want to breathe.
Come On Baby, Breathe…

Tears drench His face, the love in His forever eyes.
He loves me deeply.
He will never give up on me and He is there.
As He pulls and quickly envelops me in His wings…

The warmth
The quickened heartbeat
The concerned brow
The countenance of unconditional love
Freedom can only be found in Him.

Come On Baby, He’s Got you, Breathe.

Do Not Stop, Praise Him

Do not stop, even when you face those dark scary days…keep going.

Do Not Stop praising Him.

As you navigate and keep pushing through the mud, the pain, the sorrow…

Remember that He is with you.

He is the light in the dark.

Every single step, collecting every tear.

He walks with you, you are His child, He will never leave you.

When you feel like you can’t breathe and you can’t see where to go and your anxiety is overwhelming you.

God is with you.

Praise Him for all good things come from Him.

He knows your steps, He sees the struggle and brokenness. He is the light of the world and the way, the truth and the life that we seek.

Your fears will be put to rest.

He holds you, loves you and does not ever miss a thing.

In the whispers, He is there.

In the screaming, He is there.

In the anguish, He is there.

He loves you.

He will never abandon you.

You are not alone.

Praise Him.

Keep Climbing

Step by Step.

No matter the terrain.

No matter the weather.

Paved? Dirt? Gravel? Snow? Mud?

Shattered glass?

Keep going.

Open your eyes,

Listen to your heart.

There is a song buried deep inside,

A song with a melody,

Step by Step.

Note by Note.

Pick up the pace.

Time waits for no one.

The Time is Now.

Ready, Set, Go…

He is waiting for you.

In Brokenness, Walk it out with Him

As I learn to Listen to God, I am reminded that He ultimately desires that I simply obey.

Obedience always seems like a place where I just want to run away or rebel against it. To just have what I want without working through the hard, damnable, life-draining muck. Who really wants to work through the stuff that hurts so much that no one knows the pain, but Him?

He knows.

He cares.

He loves unconditionally.

Jesus…

Do you see me? Can I trust you?

There is this abysmal place inside that I protect…the last pieces of my heart…what is left of it anyway.  I don’t even think it is a heart most days.  A vast place where pieces drift here and there.

Deep Breath

Years ago… it was shattered into a million pieces. Those pieces of pieces of pieces are missing to me. Lost, stolen, taken, hijacked without consent.

Dare I say that I believe that Jesus can rebuild my heart and make it new

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

Psalms 147:3 CSB

To ObeyDear Jesus… I’m trying to trust and let go!

I must not just hear, but obey.  He fights for me!

To surrender everything and lay all of it at your feet!

For me, the hardest pieces are accepting everything that has happened, acknowledging that I cannot fix all of it on my own, trusting that you are big enough and strong enough to hold onto me as the serious heart surgery must be done.

Stop Running Away!

He extends His arms…

He is patiently waiting for me to run to Him and obey.

Peace can only come after obedience.

Our Lord is great, vast in power; His understanding is infinite.

Psalms 147:5 CSB

Praying…

I seek you. I want you.

Please help me to feel safe.

afterglow avian backlit birds
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