Certainly New Beginnings

Uncertainly certain, can that be possible?

Raw emotions without regulation.

Help Poppa.

Being in a vulnerable place,

Where it feels like chaos reigns,

On the inside and outside.

I have hope Poppa, that we can do this,

Together.

Body being turned inside out.

Facing the compartments of feels.

There is life on the other side.

New beginnings are ahead.

With you by my side,

Your majestic light covers me like a cocoon,

Poppa I love you and need you,

To breathe, To be free, To fulfill my calling.

It is you who is perfect peace,

And it is only in you that I can find hope.

Thank you so much for circling me with supportive butterflies,

I am grateful and I am seeking you!

Whirlwind to Peace

The whirlwind,

Can you feel it?

The beating of your anxious heart,

Your chest tightening,

That feeling that creeps up from your belly to the top of your esophagus…

I can’t breathe.

My ears are warm and my eyes are wide open…

Hurry close them!

I spend so much time stuck in my head,

I’m reaching and asking Him to meet me here,

Hand in Hand,

Here I am Poppa,

Is it okay to cling to you in the darkness,

When the scary stuff creeps in?

My eyes are closed,

Am I safe?

You are here,

Let’s ride the waves together,

Struggling to find that gentle, calm space,

You are leading the way.

Walking side by side is where I want to be,

You are delighted in me,

You see more than I see,

The journey ahead is…

A hop, skip and a jump.

To play, to grow, to live and to love.

New adventures are coming,

Though I am scared,

I seek you.

On shaky ground,

I seek you.

Help me please,

To find peace in your presence.

Sometimes

The chiming of the bell,

The alarm that wakes you to the core,

Tick, Tock goes the clock,

Am I too late?

To snip and suture the wound?

I need the Almighty Surgeon and Healer.

To put the pieces back together…..

To help me to be whole.

Sometimes I cry,

Sometimes I pray,

Sometimes I reach my hands to the sky,

And sometimes I feel afraid.

To feel, is okay.

But to remain in the depths of despair,

That mindset needs a reset,

Hold on tight, deep breath, bosom to the floor with hands clasped gently together.

He will meet you there.

He is always with you, always.

That hope that resonates to the core,

I keep repeating… He is Here…

He knows that I’m drowning…

He holds the vine…

Reach out, it is within sight,

Jump and take flight.

He’s got you,

He knows your brokenness,

He knows your desires to be made whole.

Numb

He is there.

Maybe that is where I’m supposed to be?

I need to be held,

Because I’m falling apart.

Deep breath.

Listen.

He loves you and I.

To be whole.

Adventure

That feeling…

The wind swirls around your face,

You feel really warm inside,

A smile creeps on your face,

Can this really be joy coming back?

Some days appear to be dirty stained glass,

Where the pain seems it will never leave,

The room of many doors,

To open when He calls,

When He takes you by the hand,

You can only do it with Him.

The adventure is what you make it.

Will you or I simply cower in the corner,

Or walk with the one who adores us?

Poppa, you simply make the journey survivable…

Without you, I cannot breathe,

But with you,

In the healing and waves of emotion,

You gather me in your arms of love.

And together, we can walk out this adventure.

One step, two steps at a time,

Laughing together,

Holding hands,

Pressing in,

Covered by your love,

My hope is in you.

Broken to see You

Peace.

Breathe.

Open my eyes to see you.

Today was a hard day, Jesus.

Really hard.

I started the morning at your feet,

I asked the Holy Spirit to move,

I was playful and excited about the day,

I loved the beautiful sunrise,

It was so colorful,

Like a painting that I can only aspire to ever create,

God, sometimes I need things to slow down,

Just a little bit.

Today, I arrived safely to work,

I walked in with a big smile and I love saying good morning and let’s do this!

Then, the dark clouds come.

I keep praying,

I panic,

My friend prayed with urgency for me,

And as I pondered big questions,

The warfare only got bigger and bigger,

I wanted everything to stop,

The warfare was swallowing me,

Then I broke,

I started crying,

Ugly Tears,

My heart,

Hurt,

I couldn’t stop crying,

Even in the storm, I could see you,

But all I could do was cry.

I used to be able to be a fortress, no tears, tough, nothing got to me,

Then life happened, ugly things happened,

I broke,

I found you,

Learning to start from the beginning,

To learn how to cope and feel safe,

My hope is only in You.

I’m struggling Jesus.

I am who you say I am,

Not what the world says in their anger,

I pray to find rest and peace with you as I continue to find true freedom.

Breathe

Just Breathe

I desire to grow in you and be who you created me to be.

Broken to freedom,

Amen.