The Pursuit

Shivering,

Shaking,

I’m tired of running,

From You.

Why do I Run?

Empty

….But God, there is Hope

Confused

….But God, there is Understanding

Anger

….But God, there is Freedom

Staring into the darkness,

He beckons in the bright light,

Where did the flowers go?

Why does the warmth from the sun fade?

It is He who is strong enough to help,

To listen, comfort, strengthen, love…

To love you…

Even if you decide to run,

To let go, to jump, to lose yourself.

It is here…

At the end of myself,

I find you.

When I cannot breathe,

I find you.

The fighting and deep whimpers,

Learning to grasp the next line by speaking life!

I am not alone, for you are with me.

Pappa, Jesus…

Might I just say,

I’m still seeking You.

Mending and Renewal

He is a physician who is working diligently to mend you.

It can send your feelings reeling or bring you to a place of being in agreement with your heavenly father who knows what is best.

Bending and emptying yourself so that the space can be renewed and then filled by the Holy spirit.

Then coming to agreement with Jesus…that…His will be done. He fights for you, He loves you, He is your champion and will never leave you.

Separating emotions from intellectual thinking to allow for differentiation of self to become more like God the Father is the process He has called us to be immersed in for His timing and purposes.

Though it may not make sense, He is moving on your behalf, He is preparing the way, He is loving on you…if you let Him.

Choose to surrender everything because He cares for you.

Multifaceted Storm

The storm inside collides
Prickly Pear
The feelings are multifaceted
Shades of Gray

Feeling Raw
Exposed
I cannot hide behind the facade
The mask that I’m so accustomed to
I just can’t
Every inch of my body is screaming
Stinging
Yelling at me and at everything around me
The storm
It swirls around.

I cannot move.

Whoosh…thorns, claws…whoosh!
Swallowing me whole
I cannot breathe

The back of my neck is tense
My lungs do not want to cooperate
Come On Baby, Breathe

The tears that wait at bay
The deep searing ache in your chest
Every single sound hurts my ears and head
Stop Talking
Stop caring
Stop it!
Come On Baby, Breathe

The med train keeps rolling
Even though at times it doesn’t help
At All
Arms heavy with guilt, shame, fear…
Perspiration dots my forehead,
I feel alone even in a public space
I need to scream
I dont know how, it will not come out!

Stop, Stop, Stop
Do Not Love Me
I Do Not Deserve it
Come On Baby, Breathe.

It is hard when you feel like you just keep treading water without a shore to bring hope…

There is a hand reaching with such transparent power and might…
His grip clenches my wrist as I am sinking…
I cannot breathe.
I don’t want to breathe.
Come On Baby, Breathe…

Tears drench His face, the love in His forever eyes.
He loves me deeply.
He will never give up on me and He is there.
As He pulls and quickly envelops me in His wings…

The warmth
The quickened heartbeat
The concerned brow
The countenance of unconditional love
Freedom can only be found in Him.

Come On Baby, He’s Got you, Breathe.

Do Not Stop, Praise Him

Do not stop, even when you face those dark scary days…keep going.

Do Not Stop praising Him.

As you navigate and keep pushing through the mud, the pain, the sorrow…

Remember that He is with you.

He is the light in the dark.

Every single step, collecting every tear.

He walks with you, you are His child, He will never leave you.

When you feel like you can’t breathe and you can’t see where to go and your anxiety is overwhelming you.

God is with you.

Praise Him for all good things come from Him.

He knows your steps, He sees the struggle and brokenness. He is the light of the world and the way, the truth and the life that we seek.

Your fears will be put to rest.

He holds you, loves you and does not ever miss a thing.

In the whispers, He is there.

In the screaming, He is there.

In the anguish, He is there.

He loves you.

He will never abandon you.

You are not alone.

Praise Him.

It Doesn’t Matter… but it Does.

Current deep pain mixed with prior pain from the past can just hit you hard when you are a baby Christian.

Learning can be disrupted when there are clear misunderstandings…especially when you know you’ve been called by God to be part of something that is way bigger than yourself, but the other part of the called does not see it.

Spiritual moms and dads…They are part of a higher calling by God. Whether or not they respond to the call by God to help guide and be alongside those who need to learn…can impact the spiritual family foundation.

Worship, Prayer, Praise… that is the only answer. Leaving the call by God unanswered hurts deeply.

Continue to speak truth, allow the Lord to mend those hurt places and allow humility and grace.

Pray for those who also fight in the trenches with you and pray for the battles that occur everywhere.

May those who are also broken find that they can be made whole in Him.