Desolation

What is love?

Unconditional love?

Jesus, I reach to you

I feel alone,

I feel angry,

I feel deeply hurt.

Those places where the crows fly,

The dust swirls,

The sun blocked by the polluted atmosphere,

I am thirsty, I am hungry, I struggle to breathe,

My hope is in you,

Please help me to get this pain out,

To release it all to you,

To trust you.

Dear Pappa, I need you close.

The beckoning

Even in the turmoil,

Of the dark desolate place,

There is hope,

A light so bright,

That it beckons,

As if to extend warmth,

A hand,

A smile,

Silly me I must have forgotten my manners,

My furrowed brow says No,

My soul says yes,

My heart is healing slowly.

The truth,

Hope is rising,

More everyday,

To come alongside, Thank you,

My feet are worn and bloody,

My eyes are aching,

But there is hope,

He died for me,

He chose me,

He adopted me,

He is lifting my heart and my head.

He brings restoration,

He brings redemption,

But I struggle,

And He knows,

I squirm and throw a fit,

Because healing hurts,

And I’d rather not feel,

But feeling can only lead to understanding,

His compassion,

His love,

His Grace.

So, I lean into Him,

A little more each day.

May the lies stop hindering my steps.

Will you comfort me as I heal?

I would like that Jesus.

Rage to Hope

The struggle,

The deep ache,

For hope,

For love,

For Him to keep you covered,

Keep focused baby girl,

Deep breath,

Jesus, help.

I need help.

I need the broken pieces to come back together,

To feel something better than the rage,

To be free and clean,

Will you sit with me?

Even in my mess?

Even with my anger?

I cannot do this alone.

Will you walk with me?

Can you hold my hand and wash my face?

Come in my secret place and love me?

Even if it’s dark,

Please help me to see more of you.

I want to know you more,

I long for that embrace of safety and trust.

I’m seeking you the best I know how to.

Please continue to teach me.

Please do not give up on me.

I see you watering the flowers,

I want to be there too.

It’s my hope and I’m learning.

Rage go away.

Peace Be Still

Intimacy

Finding the right words to say…

Often they sit softly on your lips…

Are they the right words?

Will they ever be?

The truth.

I am a Child of the King,

A princess.

He desires for an intimate relationship.

A relationship where there is freedom from insecurity and inadequacy because He makes you whole in Him.

Fighting for that spiritual intimacy that only He can bring…

Why am I fighting?

He is already here,

He is waiting and always ready to listen,

He cares about me,

Ever so deeply.

Keep seeking Him,

You can do it, He is right by your side.

Hand in hand,

We can run, skip, jump and walk with Him.

He’s even there in the silence.

He is there in the struggle,

Focus.

Be Brave and Trust Him,

He freaking loves you so much.

Waymaker

Sometimes I do wonder if I am…

Making the right choices

Dotting the I and crossing the T

Steping forward or backward

Swimming or treading or drowning

Aware or delusional

Happy or Sad

Strong or weak

Breathing or holding my breath

That uneasy feeling in my stomach scares me and I tend to doubt

I want to trust Him more,

Rest in His arms more,

Stop running and hiding from Him,

Inhale: One…Two…Three…Four…

Hold: One…Two…Three…Four…

Exhale: One…Two…Three…Four…Five…Six…Seven…Eight…

You’ve got this!

He’s got you!

He is worthy!

He is the way maker…and promise keeper.

Peeking around I see,

His gentle face and outstretched hand,

The sun, the water, the breeze,

Let’s go dance in the flowers!

He says…

We will get there,

Trust me, my beautiful child.

Trying my best Pappa.

Eyes, ears and heart… open up please.