Category: Speak Truth

Search My Heart

Krysten.Ivey2 Comments

I don’t know about you, but I find myself wanting God more and more each day.

This week is Holy week, it is in remembrance of the crucifixion of Jesus and then His resurrection on the third day.  Jesus chose to put himself on the cross for the Love that He has for us.  I am so amazed and in awe of Jesus.  I didn’t realize that He chose to be put on the cross until this past weekend of church service.  I thought like most people do, people put Him on the cross…but they did not.  Jesus followed through with His mission and He thought of us each step of the way!

This takes my breath away.  

As a new Christian, I have been seeking more of Him.  But I think I was missing the whole point.  I was seeking Love the wrong way.  I wasn’t recognizing who Jesus is and who I am in Him.  I kept floundering and the roller coaster has been up, down and sideways.  Seeking Him is allowing the Holy Spirit to work in you.  I think maybe being baptized has a part in this equation as well.  I have not been baptized yet, but maybe it is because I did not truly understand who Jesus is and what He did for me and for everyone?  I do believe in Him and I now understand that He died for me, for all of my past and present sins and I can only find true freedom in Him.

Here I am, God I present myself to you

I am your daughter, I am a princess to a King, I am made new in you.

Speaking Life is so important.  I now realize just how words impact thoughts, feelings and emotions.  Words can distort the truth and hinder my walk in Christ.  I want to grow and become who He has called me to be… I want to walk with Him and talk with Him.

God is at work, He is tearing down the walls, He is the Light in the Dark.  He is the Good Shepherd, the Prince of Peace, the Almighty God.  Who am I to say that He is not big enough to handle my struggles and my pain?  Only He can heal the brokenness, period.

Wake my will up to God, I want to follow you.  I want you.

My heart says, this is Real, Jesus is Real.

34 “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” – John 13: 34-35 CSB

I want more of you Jesus.  I am only complete in You.  I am seeking freedom.

My new Motto:  It’s Kingdom or Nothing!

woman wearing red dress while sitting on grass
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To The Petals in The Wind

Krysten.IveyLeave a comment

Summer.  Warm night.  Dinner and a Movie night.  Fun night.  Friend night.  Date night.

Wicked night.  Painful night.  Broken night.  Shattered night.  Dark night.  Winter forever.

The Past, God is healing the wounds.

Words are just words are just words…are just words.  NO, is a freaking two letter word.

Not, Loud enough?  Does it mean anything?

Does God hear me when I am hurting and healing?

Eyes Open, Eyes Close… Eyelashes flutter… Keep Them Shut!

Inhale, Exhale, Deep Breath…I can’t Breathe!

Did God intend for this to happen?

Is my Heart beating?  Am I alive or am I dead?

Life can only be found in Jesus, Right?

This cannot be happening.  This cannot be happening.  This cannot be happening.  This cannot be happening.  Is this really happening?  Really Happening???

I lost myself, I want to Trust you, Jesus.

No, it can’t be.

This cannot happen to me.

Jesus, do you really care about me that much?  To find me?

That face, stone cold face, full of anger face, rage face, everything wrong in that face!

I don’t understand.  Hurt people, Hurt people?

I am no longer here, I am hiding in the depths, A place I cannot escape, In the dungeon.  Little did I know that I would begin to feel safer in the dark, protecting what was left of me…but there was nothing worth protecting, nothing beautiful, nothing pure, nothing.

Do you restore everything?  I want to run with you in the beautiful flowers.

EMPTY

Learning to be Spirit-filled.

NUMB

It hurts to heal, but there is Freedom I am told on the other side.

 

To the petals in the wind… I am seeking Him & will only find true Freedom in Him.

woman throwing pink petals
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In Brokenness, Walk it out with Him

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As I learn to Listen to God, I am reminded that He ultimately desires that I simply obey.

Obedience always seems like a place where I just want to run away or rebel against it. To just have what I want without working through the hard, damnable, life-draining muck. Who really wants to work through the stuff that hurts so much that no one knows the pain, but Him?

He knows.

He cares.

He loves unconditionally.

Jesus…

Do you see me? Can I trust you?

There is this abysmal place inside that I protect…the last pieces of my heart…what is left of it anyway.  I don’t even think it is a heart most days.  A vast place where pieces drift here and there.

Deep Breath

Years ago… it was shattered into a million pieces. Those pieces of pieces of pieces are missing to me. Lost, stolen, taken, hijacked without consent.

Dare I say that I believe that Jesus can rebuild my heart and make it new…

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

Psalms 147:3 CSB

To Obey… Dear Jesus… I’m trying to trust and let go!

I must not just hear, but obey.  He fights for me!

To surrender everything and lay all of it at your feet!

For me, the hardest pieces are accepting everything that has happened, acknowledging that I cannot fix all of it on my own, trusting that you are big enough and strong enough to hold onto me as the serious heart surgery must be done.

Stop Running Away!

He extends His arms…

He is patiently waiting for me to run to Him and obey.

Peace can only come after obedience.

Our Lord is great, vast in power; His understanding is infinite.

Psalms 147:5 CSB

Praying…

I seek you. I want you.

Please help me to feel safe.

afterglow avian backlit birds
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Omnipresent, Omnipotent and Deeply Loved

Krysten.Ivey2 Comments

He is the roaring Lion…

The Lion of Judah.

His presence is Everywhere.

To open my eyes, open my heart, open my hands, extend my arms and free fall into His arms.

You are King and I’m covered by your wings in the deep.

Whispers in the wind…

The rippling of the deep green grass…

The sun shines brightly even in the deep dark dungeon… just look.

Open my eyes!

Breathe in the fog, mist, drizzle, rain, sleet, snow, the storms….the blue skies and the oceans deep.

He is in everything.

The dewdrops on my face, the tears that escape, the sweat of my brow, my skin… He made it all and everything is stamped with His love.

I am broken, He puts the pieces together to make a beautiful masterpiece. Only He can make me whole.

I want to make His name known far and wide…everywhere He leads me.

My hand may be slippery… His is not. Keep grabbing, keep looking for He is stretching His hand out for me.

Little girl, who peeks around the corner…

Am I safe and Can I trust you?

He is the good good Father. He is patiently saying baby girl, let’s go play in the flowers…

Run, Roll, Pick, Play…with laughter and love.

Grab His Hand…

He will not let go, He will not abandon me.

He will not hurt me, He loves me.

He loves me deeply!

He crushes my fears and commands the dark to leave.

He covers my shame.

He offers freedom, if I just believe and step out in faith.

He is the answer to the longing to find peace.

He offers Himself for me.

Thy Will Be Done.

Learning to surrender.

Even if… Chaos Erupts… Be Still and Know.

Krysten.Ivey2 Comments

Learning to let love grow inside of me.

Deep breath. Close my eyes, I pray to forgive…

Even if it feels like I am alone…

Even if my world feels like it is falling apart…shaken to my core.

Even if every single step hurts…

Even if I think I can’t breathe…

Even if no one knows…

Even if I feel like I don’t know which way to go or the whys behind the pain.

STOP! Guard my heart because Chaos Erupts if I don’t seek refuge in Him.

Every step forward seems like two steps backwards many days.

But, God… He is there in the deep.

He hears me when no one else is listening.

He is there, He will not leave, He loves me, He understands it all and in the Even Ifs… He is the way, the truth and the life.

I am learning to breathe…

He is fighting for me and I need to rest in that love and strength.

Wind in my hair, sun in my face, eyes wide open…Take another step…He is there!

As it is written, “Stop your fighting (Be Still) and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth.”
Psalms 46:10 CSB

He is there, the mighty warrior and loving Father.

Find Joy and Dance in His presence!

Grab His hand and Run through the flowers.

He fights for me.