The Pursuit

Shivering,

Shaking,

I’m tired of running,

From You.

Why do I Run?

Empty

….But God, there is Hope

Confused

….But God, there is Understanding

Anger

….But God, there is Freedom

Staring into the darkness,

He beckons in the bright light,

Where did the flowers go?

Why does the warmth from the sun fade?

It is He who is strong enough to help,

To listen, comfort, strengthen, love…

To love you…

Even if you decide to run,

To let go, to jump, to lose yourself.

It is here…

At the end of myself,

I find you.

When I cannot breathe,

I find you.

The fighting and deep whimpers,

Learning to grasp the next line by speaking life!

I am not alone, for you are with me.

Pappa, Jesus…

Might I just say,

I’m still seeking You.

The Mighty Warrior

You can’t see it, but you can feel it…

If you close your eyes, you can sense it…

His feathers on your face, soft, gentle, with affection…

He loves you more than you know. It is a love that surpasses all understanding.

How can He love so unconditionally? Because He is who He says His is…

He is the Mighty Warrior, the Prince of Peace, the True Vine, the Good Shepherd and the Light of the World.

He first loved us… He knit us together… He chose to die on the cross to give us direct access to the Father.

I want to go deeper and further with Jesus…

The racing heart, the cluttered mind, the deep deep hurt that cannot be undone…

Or so it seems…

You walk outside, the wind whips around you, in the storm, He is there.

He is there…He stiffens His arms to shield you and love you through it all.

He exclaims, Child put on my Father’s armor!

Even if it means that I must work through the pain to find freedom in Him.

I will move forward.

Breathe…

Inhale…Exhale….

Inhale…Exhale…

Inhale…Exhale…

His love is all that matters.

His embrace, His guidance, His Call.

I am His child.

Hold on tight, you must go on.

He is the Mighty Warrior, He’s got you.

-KI

In Brokenness, Walk it out with Him

As I learn to Listen to God, I am reminded that He ultimately desires that I simply obey.

Obedience always seems like a place where I just want to run away or rebel against it. To just have what I want without working through the hard, damnable, life-draining muck. Who really wants to work through the stuff that hurts so much that no one knows the pain, but Him?

He knows.

He cares.

He loves unconditionally.

Jesus…

Do you see me? Can I trust you?

There is this abysmal place inside that I protect…the last pieces of my heart…what is left of it anyway.  I don’t even think it is a heart most days.  A vast place where pieces drift here and there.

Deep Breath

Years ago… it was shattered into a million pieces. Those pieces of pieces of pieces are missing to me. Lost, stolen, taken, hijacked without consent.

Dare I say that I believe that Jesus can rebuild my heart and make it new

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

Psalms 147:3 CSB

To ObeyDear Jesus… I’m trying to trust and let go!

I must not just hear, but obey.  He fights for me!

To surrender everything and lay all of it at your feet!

For me, the hardest pieces are accepting everything that has happened, acknowledging that I cannot fix all of it on my own, trusting that you are big enough and strong enough to hold onto me as the serious heart surgery must be done.

Stop Running Away!

He extends His arms…

He is patiently waiting for me to run to Him and obey.

Peace can only come after obedience.

Our Lord is great, vast in power; His understanding is infinite.

Psalms 147:5 CSB

Praying…

I seek you. I want you.

Please help me to feel safe.

afterglow avian backlit birds
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