Tag: InTheDeep

Intimacy

Krysten.Ivey1 Comment

Finding the right words to say…

Often they sit softly on your lips…

Are they the right words?

Will they ever be?

The truth.

I am a Child of the King,

A princess.

He desires for an intimate relationship.

A relationship where there is freedom from insecurity and inadequacy because He makes you whole in Him.

Fighting for that spiritual intimacy that only He can bring…

Why am I fighting?

He is already here,

He is waiting and always ready to listen,

He cares about me,

Ever so deeply.

Keep seeking Him,

You can do it, He is right by your side.

Hand in hand,

We can run, skip, jump and walk with Him.

He’s even there in the silence.

He is there in the struggle,

Focus.

Be Brave and Trust Him,

He freaking loves you so much.

Keep Going

Krysten.Ivey

Swaying,

Exhausted,

My emotions toss about inside,

I was frozen,

I thought, I thought I saw him,

I didn’t know what to do,

Tears with embarrassment,

Shame,

Just breathe, Just breathe,

The moment of fear overwhelmed me,

My heart,

Dear Jesus,

Cover me in your wings,

I seek refuge and tenderness,

Your hands,

Your love,

Your eyes,

My hope,

Is in you.

Leaning into you more every day.

Just Breathe.

My eyes on you.

Amen.

Broken to see You

Krysten.Ivey5 Comments

Peace.

Breathe.

Open my eyes to see you.

Today was a hard day, Jesus.

Really hard.

I started the morning at your feet,

I asked the Holy Spirit to move,

I was playful and excited about the day,

I loved the beautiful sunrise,

It was so colorful,

Like a painting that I can only aspire to ever create,

God, sometimes I need things to slow down,

Just a little bit.

Today, I arrived safely to work,

I walked in with a big smile and I love saying good morning and let’s do this!

Then, the dark clouds come.

I keep praying,

I panic,

My friend prayed with urgency for me,

And as I pondered big questions,

The warfare only got bigger and bigger,

I wanted everything to stop,

The warfare was swallowing me,

Then I broke,

I started crying,

Ugly Tears,

My heart,

Hurt,

I couldn’t stop crying,

Even in the storm, I could see you,

But all I could do was cry.

I used to be able to be a fortress, no tears, tough, nothing got to me,

Then life happened, ugly things happened,

I broke,

I found you,

Learning to start from the beginning,

To learn how to cope and feel safe,

My hope is only in You.

I’m struggling Jesus.

I am who you say I am,

Not what the world says in their anger,

I pray to find rest and peace with you as I continue to find true freedom.

Breathe

Just Breathe

I desire to grow in you and be who you created me to be.

Broken to freedom,

Amen.

Swing Still

Krysten.IveyLeave a comment

Blank stare,

Emotions collide,

Cannot breathe,

Need to breathe,

Is this real?

Does it matter?

Who cares?

He cares about everything,

Trying to dig deeper,

He gathers the missing pieces,

Trying to produce sound,

He holds my hand,

I need someone to walk with us,

Praying and walking with Him,

Please listen and feel with me,

Help me to see Him,

So that I can be made whole.

I’m so tired of being broken,

So tired of the shame,

Just….breathe….

Stop shaking.

He is here.

I am 2 years old.

Be still and Swing.

Internal Scream

Krysten.Ivey

I don’t know if it is just me,

But I struggle with this tug-of-war,

Heels dug in the ground,

Jaw clenched and sweat on the brow.

Pull, as if to run away, but also to say No!

How do you learn to vocalize the scream?

Where is it safe to do so?

Will other people think I’m weird?

What will it sound like?

A Barbaric Yarp or a mix of shrieking with gasping?

I just struggle with the swirling of the good and the bad, the light and the dark, the joy and the pain.

I keep trying to learn the balance between talking and not talking. Sometimes it feels as if it is easier to say nothing at all.

Here I am.

Waving my hands.

Like an S.O.S.

Visions of breakthrough….

Anything can happen…

Jesus, is it safer to be alone?

To not be a burden to anyone?

To stroll solo without any ties to anyone?

To not share for the fear of abandonment?

Maybe easier?

To be a turtle, to lock up the hurt inside and throw the key away.

To realize that I’m not really here.

It is all temporary.

My home is not here.

It is in Heaven.

Every time I try to dig deep and be me to those close relationships…

I always watch them walk away and I learn that yet again I’m not supposed to say anything.

I’m supposed to care, to love, to be there always listening.

Deep breath, I can’t breathe!

The tears,

I dislike those so much!

I wish I had a magic wand to take away all of the hurt and pain that you and I feel.

Shattered life, Shattered me…

Only He can put the pieces back together.

Please remember that everyone is facing a battle and conversations are so very important.

Postcards sure,

Email sure,

Text sure,

But the really deep connecting stuff,

That is what God desires for us to find only with those He has appointed there in that place.

He is the healer and loving Father.

To trust Him.

To stop talking.

To love Him.

To bow my head.

Peace Be Still.