Rage to Hope

The struggle,

The deep ache,

For hope,

For love,

For Him to keep you covered,

Keep focused baby girl,

Deep breath,

Jesus, help.

I need help.

I need the broken pieces to come back together,

To feel something better than the rage,

To be free and clean,

Will you sit with me?

Even in my mess?

Even with my anger?

I cannot do this alone.

Will you walk with me?

Can you hold my hand and wash my face?

Come in my secret place and love me?

Even if it’s dark,

Please help me to see more of you.

I want to know you more,

I long for that embrace of safety and trust.

I’m seeking you the best I know how to.

Please continue to teach me.

Please do not give up on me.

I see you watering the flowers,

I want to be there too.

It’s my hope and I’m learning.

Rage go away.

Peace Be Still

Inner Chaos

Tears

Tidal waves

Hope

The light that breaks the darkness

The sun that shines through the black array of clouds.

A flicker to a bright flame.

It burns.

Crumbs of love

Swirling, intense feelings

Needing oxygen

Fighting to swim

Breathe

Unbalanced, losing footing

Dig deep

The intense emotional rush

Slamming into you, into everything

That crashing sound

The stillness that plateaus

Help me Jesus to rest in your arms.

To The Petals in The Wind

Summer.  Warm night.  Dinner and a Movie night.  Fun night.  Friend night.  Date night.

Wicked night.  Painful night.  Broken night.  Shattered night.  Dark night.  Winter forever.

The Past, God is healing the wounds.

Words are just words are just words…are just words.  NO, is a freaking two letter word.

Not, Loud enough?  Does it mean anything?

Does God hear me when I am hurting and healing?

Eyes Open, Eyes Close… Eyelashes flutter… Keep Them Shut!

Inhale, Exhale, Deep Breath…I can’t Breathe!

Did God intend for this to happen?

Is my Heart beating?  Am I alive or am I dead?

Life can only be found in Jesus, Right?

This cannot be happening.  This cannot be happening.  This cannot be happening.  This cannot be happening.  Is this really happening?  Really Happening???

I lost myself, I want to Trust you, Jesus.

No, it can’t be.

This cannot happen to me.

Jesus, do you really care about me that much?  To find me?

That face, stone cold face, full of anger face, rage face, everything wrong in that face!

I don’t understand.  Hurt people, Hurt people?

I am no longer here, I am hiding in the depths, A place I cannot escape, In the dungeon.  Little did I know that I would begin to feel safer in the dark, protecting what was left of me…but there was nothing worth protecting, nothing beautiful, nothing pure, nothing.

Do you restore everything?  I want to run with you in the beautiful flowers.

EMPTY

Learning to be Spirit-filled.

NUMB

It hurts to heal, but there is Freedom I am told on the other side.

 

To the petals in the wind… I am seeking Him & will only find true Freedom in Him.

woman throwing pink petals
Photo by Đàm Tướng Quân on Pexels.com

 

Sleep Baby Sleep

I wake up at 2am every morning…

Is it fear? Is it anxiety? Is it that dark place that holds the pain?

Eyes burst open, heart racing, I can’t breathe due to fear and being afraid… I grab the top sheet and throw it over my head.

Hide, run, can I be made whole? Truly whole again one day?

Rest, Baby Girl, He has you, as my mentor would say.

STOP! THINK!

He is who He says He is…

I am learning.

To trust, To surrender, To be Free.

Sleep, Baby, Sleep.

He is…The Good Shepherd & The True Vine.

Rest In Him.