As I learn to Listen to God, I am reminded that He ultimately desires that I simply obey.

Obedience always seems like a place where I just want to run away or rebel against it. To just have what I want without working through the hard, damnable, life-draining muck. Who really wants to work through the stuff that hurts so much that no one knows the pain, but Him?

He knows.

He cares.

He loves unconditionally.

Jesus…

Do you see me? Can I trust you?

There is this abysmal place inside that I protect…the last pieces of my heart…what is left of it anyway.  I don’t even think it is a heart most days.  A vast place where pieces drift here and there.

Deep Breath

Years ago… it was shattered into a million pieces. Those pieces of pieces of pieces are missing to me. Lost, stolen, taken, hijacked without consent.

Dare I say that I believe that Jesus can rebuild my heart and make it new…

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

Psalms 147:3 CSB

To Obey… Dear Jesus… I’m trying to trust and let go!

I must not just hear, but obey.  He fights for me!

To surrender everything and lay all of it at your feet!

For me, the hardest pieces are accepting everything that has happened, acknowledging that I cannot fix all of it on my own, trusting that you are big enough and strong enough to hold onto me as the serious heart surgery must be done.

Stop Running Away!

He extends His arms…

He is patiently waiting for me to run to Him and obey.

Peace can only come after obedience.

Our Lord is great, vast in power; His understanding is infinite.

Psalms 147:5 CSB

Praying…

I seek you. I want you.

Please help me to feel safe.